dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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