so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
