One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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