i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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