Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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