What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
