I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
