Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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