Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Randomize
