You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
