Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
