u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
