I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
