remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't deserve a penis
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
