i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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