stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
