i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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