With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
