so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Text me some of your sweat
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