i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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