Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
