Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
