the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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