maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
