Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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