That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
