so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
