he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
