His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
