You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
