Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
