i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
