just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
