my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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