i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
