just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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