I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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