i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
