Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
