I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
