Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
