Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
