so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
