So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
