I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
