Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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