It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
