the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
