Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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