Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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