you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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