too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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