Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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