My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I know her cup size but not her name....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
