i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
