i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
