dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
