i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
