just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
