i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
