So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize