It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
