oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i out mim tonsoeep
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