i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
