Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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