i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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