Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
