I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
