Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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